Your Girlfriend Is A Slut, But That’s Okay

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This is something I had to reblog. It’s a topic that comes up pretty often with my girlfriends and it’s kind of cool to have a guys input on it.

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Your Girlfriend Is A Slut, But That’s Okay
By: Chris Haven

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Are you feeling insecure that your girl has been with a lot of guys? That she’s had sex with two guys in one night…had tons of low quality sex – like the guy from San Diego she hooked up with just because he offered to pay for her trip?

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When you find out that your girl had a lot of sex with guys, does it make you feel insecure, upset and mad? This is normal for the majority of men out there. There’s a simple reason why you’re mad, upset, jealous and insecure — you’re not maximizing your potential with women. In fact, scratch “maximizing your potential.” You’re not living anywhere close to it.

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Now, I know there will be a lot of sites and men who are of the opinion that you shouldn’t date women like this. However, not every man in the West can up and move to the Philippines to date a loyal, younger, possibly untainted, family-oriented, Catholic, man-pleasing waif. Some of you may be considering a long-term relationship with a woman, or already in one only to find out that she has hosted had many, many penises of varying length, girth and colors in all her orifices. (If that triggers you, please stop reading and for your sake pick up a copy of Quit Porn In 30 Days.)

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For the record, I have dated women like that, but never in a long-term committed relationship scenario. I do however, have casual sex with attractive women who have had a lot of sex with a lot of men, and I frequently keep them around as fuck buddies.

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Yes, it can be shocking to hear the sort of things a woman you are dating has done and experienced sexually. There are few questions you should ask yourself if you find yourself in this situation.

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Why do you feel the way you do?
Is it because you are more insecure than she is?
Does it bother you that she has had life experiences that you have not?
Does it make you feel that she is comparing you to other guys when you fuck?

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Here are some facts for you:

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Fact #1:
Your attractive girl has been approached by more men than you can ever imagine: She has been hit on since puberty. The UPS guy was trying to get her into his truck when she was a 14-year-old playing hopscotch. When a guy opens a door for her, he’s asking her for sex. When she gets a good tip at the restaurant, she’s being propositioned for sex. Sex, sex sex! Everyone wants to bang her.
Now imagine that you were constantly propositioned for sex by women: crossing the road, opening a door, looking behind you on the street only to see women – both attractive and unattractive checking out your ass – yeah fun for a while, but all day, every hour, minute, and second?
You know what? Just like you sometimes screw up and stuff an entire box of Krispy Kreme donuts in your face, she sometimes screws up and takes some random dick. We’re human.

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Fact #2:

When she’s attached to you, she doesn’t care about who she’s had sex with: She is WITH YOU. She may have had sex with 178 guys, but right now, she’s into you. Lets say you find out that she had sex with a professional football player – some real athletic, dominant stud. You imagine that he banged the living daylights out of her. You’re freaking out imagining all of this – hell, you almost have a porn relapse just going over it in your head. Guess what, ding dong? She’s still with you, dating you, intimate with you, and that’s something more than sex.

I remember, back when I didn’t know any better, casually dating this girl (not a long-term prospect, but emotionally invested nonetheless). In the first few weeks of us hanging out, she would tell me all these “fun” stories of her exes and the crazy things they did sexually. For her, these were just fun stories with a cool guy. For me, they were knives in my damn heart. I used to freak out when I found out that she was still friends with that ex, or still texting him. In my world of not-much-sexual-abundance, women were not supposed to text their exes, or still have them on facebook-especially when I know how much sex they had engaged in together.

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Fact # 3:
Attractive women today need a constant flow of positive emotions to survive and thrive in their social lives. It’s tough being an attractive woman in the world today. Now, is it healthy? No, it isn’t, but that’s the world we live in and you either adapt as a man, or move to South East Asia or South America, buy into the system and get married, or become a bitter woman-hater with more comments on manosphere blogs than women you’ve approached. She is still friends with all those guys because its what keeps women — attractive women — happy and wanted in 2015.
Don’t get your shit twisted over this. She can have sex with any of those men anytime she likes. You could be out with her to a club and she getting railed in a stairwell by an attractive guy she just met. Nothing you can do about it, player.

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Fact # 4:
A woman’s peak in physical attractiveness is in her early 20s – of course she’s had more sex than you! Men, on the other hand, peak later in life – 30s through 40s and beyond if your finances, fitness and lifestyle are in order (Check out wallstreetplayboys.com to fix your finances if you’re not sure.)
Women are squeezing in the sexual experience a man would accumulate over 20 years into a shorter period of time.
If both of you are in your 20s, then she’s had sex with more attractive men than you have attractive women.

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Here’s the life cycle of your relationship with an attractive woman when you haven’t fixed this:

  1. Guy meets attractive woman
  2. Guys plays cool, attractive woman reveals how much sex she’s had
  3. Guy get insecure, makes suggestions/innuendo that woman is a slut for doing all that
  4. Girl likes guy – considers her actions, feels bad, and thinks… “Maybe I’m a slut.”
  5. Guy carries on once he sees she feels slightly guilty for her action
  6. Girl get tired of guys judgmental attitude and leaves him

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Here are the lessons to take away from this:

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#1   Change your attitude towards attractive women:

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My point is, if you choose to spend time with a woman described above, or if you choose to have sex with attractive women, you must change your attitude to actually want her to have had those experiences.

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Understand that most beautiful women who will have sex with you on the day you meet have probably been with a lot of men.
When I coach a guy who has successfully been through other sex addiction/porn addiction/ dating programs, but wants me to take him to another level, I don’t get insecure or hurt because he’s sought help from multiple sources prior to QuitPornGetGirls. My attitude is, “I know my shit works because I was a damn porn addict myself for over a decade and beat it on my own without reading a book, visiting a forum or even admitting to anyone but myself that I was an addict.” I believe I am the best at what I do and I’m excited to work with and share what worked for me.

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#2   Practice by taking your girl out and watch other men hit on her:
“But Chris, what about never bring sand to the beach?” Fuck not bringing sand to the beach. I bring hot sand to the hot beach all the damn time, because I want to conquer my insecurities and its the most direct and uncomfortable means of achieving this goal.

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Find a woman you can take out who turns you on when she speaks to another guy. I’m not saying become a cuckold. I’m saying learn to accept the fact that other guys want your woman and if she wasn’t having sex with you, she may be having sex with them. If your fear of her being picked up by another guy at the bar manifests itself and becomes a reality – it’s better you found out now than later.
Then get back to work breaking down those insecurities.

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#3   Women love Non- Judgmental men:
Here’s another fact for you. These attractive women are having MUCH LESS sex with guys than you would be with women if the roles were reversed.
Women are highly attracted to men who have a “no big deal” attitude about sex. It’s what makes you the man she will have sex with within an hour of meeting. You know, the man whom she will be comfortable introducing to her friend for a threesome.

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Now, let me reiterate, when you first start off – if you choose to take this advice seriously, that is – you’ll start out being “cool” with the crazy things chicks have done: anal sex with the hot Argentinian guy in her hostel in Buenos Aires who urinated in her mouth when he was done, half the college football team running a train on her during her freshman year, banged in the stairwell of a club while her boyfriend was 20 feet away…. Eventually, though, you will crack, freak out and slowly begin to judge her. “How could you have sex with a strange man in public, barely half an hour after meeting him, with the risk of your boyfriend finding out? Where is your self-respect? How can you hook up with three guys from Tinder within 24 hours? What. The. Fuck. Is. That?”

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Doing this will greatly reduce you sexual prospects – in most of the Western world, anyway. They will realize that you aren’t cool and non-judgmental. You’ll lose access to sex with them – or become bitter. And bitterness in men leads to misogyny. And misogyny is a waste of energy for a man.

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The facts are that women have access to a lot more penis than they ever did and men have access to a lot more vagina than they ever did, but men have also have more access to porn and that fucks your game up. So stop watching it. (Irrelevant to this article, but I’ll never miss an opportunity to plug in the quit porn message.)
You will eventually lose access to great sex.

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The main reason why you are insecure is because you aren’t having sex with enough women. When you have sex in abundance, you will not judge her. I don’t care whether you are married and insecure, dating and insecure, or single and insecure- when you have access to sex (unlocked by game, looks and lifestyle), your insecurity will decrease with experience.
Don’t buy into the bullshit that the only way is to first work on your self-esteem and then you’ll be secure. That is peddled by women, men with little sexual experience, and men who have already been with so many women that they have attained a certain level of self-realization. You should be working on all aspects of your life.

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Improving yourself to the point where you have access to sex in abundance is a journey where you can have your cake and eat it. You will be shocked by the true nature of women, you will be hurt, you will be incredibly uncomfortable, but ultimately, you will grow to the point where you realize what work best for YOU. You wont need a blog or a book to guide you.

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For those of you still thinking, “Chris, you’re basically saying thats its okay to sleep with sluts?”
Yes, it is alright to sleep with “sluts.” But use a condom.
I’m also explicitly stating that for some men, all you are going to get is a relationship with a so called “slut.”
The women who classify as “sluts” are a totally different breed, which will be tackled in a different post. Promiscuous women are the reality of our society – whether you agree with it or not.
The good news is that relationships are about the bond and quality intimate time spent together. She may have had a thousand and one penises in all her holes, but as long as she has deep feelings for you, chill out.
I’m kidding. If a woman has had a thousand and one penises in her – stay the fuck away.
Attractive men and women understand that they are attractive and will naturally have sex with other people. It’s just what attractive people do.

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If you want to find out what the world of an attractive woman is life, ask an attractive woman whom you are hanging out with to show your her text messages. If you’ve never done this, then you’ll most likely be surprised at the number of men she’s sending pictures to on snap chats, going on weekend trips with, stringing along, taking salsa class with, but having sex with on the side and so on.

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Become the kind of man who gets it and you will become part of the world of attractive people who have sex with other attractive people.
Let go of your insecurity and let life do its thing

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To read more from Chris Haven, check out http://thoughtcatalog.com/chris-haven